I Need a Hero(ine)!

There was much celebrating in the Denatti household yesterday. After months of captivity, my seven-year old daughter’s Favorite Movie of Ever was pried from the hungry jaws of our minivan’s busted DVD player. And despite sitting beneath a metal roof in the blazing Texas sun, it played perfectly. My daughter was so happy she watched it twice last night. If not for bedtime, she would have watched it a third time!

Confession time: I actually like the movie, too. Mostly because it contains certain scenes I can watch over and over again. Like a dripping wet Daniel Craig, fresh from the shower.

You’re probably thinking, “Wait … what? Since when does The Little Mermaid feature a naked Daniel Craig?"

Since never. Wouldn’t it be awesome if it did, though? Appropriate, too, given the phallic imagery on the castle in the original VHS release.

Darling it's better / Down where it's wetter / Take it from me.

Apparently, life is hard under the sea. Or maybe King Triton is REALLY happy to see you. Note to self: begin more Mondays with a Google search on “Little Mermaid phallus.” Good times.

Also, what’s up with Triton’s hand in this particular crop? No wonder Ariel had Daddy issues.

Time for your blowfish impersonation, Ariel.

Okay, I’ll stop now. In lieu of brain bleach, I'll give you a dose of the aforementioned Daniel Craig.

 

I repeat: Darling it's better / Down where it's wetter ...

Another note to self: Forget about the Little Mermaid phallus searches. Start each day with a Google search for "wet Daniel Craig."

Mmm. Wet Daniel Craig.

What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. My kid's favorite movie. As you’ve probably guessed, it's not a cartoon. It’s not even G-rated. It does not feature adorable talking animals, and it’s not a product of Disney Imagineering.

It’s Tomb Raider.

You’re familiar with the movie, right? Angelina Jolie plays Lara Croft, the disproportionate heroine who sprang from the wet dreams of some optimistically imaginative videogame designers. I’m guessing they were fans of Indiana Jones but felt the franchise could be improved upon with boobs and guns.

I’m looking for King Triton’s castle. For, uh … archeological purposes.

As role models go, I suppose my daughter could do worse. I’m not wild about the unrealistic body-shape expectations this might create, but it’s not like she sees anything different from the Disney Channel, the magazine rack, or the Barbie aisle at Target. At least Lara Croft kicks ass while being objectified.

Speaking of kicking ass, I initially thought my daughter would enjoy other superhero-ish, action-adventure movies. Boy, was I wrong. She had no interest in Iron Man, Spiderman, Batman … pretty much anything that ended in “man” was right out. She wants a strong female character with which to identify, and I don’t blame her.

Problem is there aren’t many movies, outside of Tomb Raider, that not only feature such a protagonist (sidekicks and minor characters don’t count) but also remain more or less appropriate for a seven-year old.

I loved Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight and Bridget Fonda in Point of No Return (apparently, I haven’t watched any movies since the 90’s), but both movies earned their R ratings. In fact, all the franchises with kick-ass women seem to be rated R—think Kill Bill, Resident Evil, Underworld, and the Alien movies.

If there's one thing Hollywood has taught us, it's that it takes a lot of leg (and very tiny panties) to fight genetically modified alien werewolf vampire ninjas.

So, it’s time to weigh in, my lovelies. Can you think of any PG (or even PG-13) action-adventure movies with a female lead? As fun as it is to watch American Angelina Jolie speak with a British accent (and British Daniel Craig speak with an American one), some diversity would be nice. And if we could avoid the utter silliness of the Charlie’s Angels movies that would be good, too. 

Help a girl out!

Movie(ish) Mondays - Sorkin, The Newsroom

It's Monday. Bleh.

Did you have a nice weekend? I’m so happy for you.

I stayed up way too late watching The Newsroom on HBO. My cable froze a few times during the 9pm showing, so I just HAD to watch the 11pm re-broadcast. Aaron Sorkin’s writing is such that missing three seconds of dialogue is an acceptable excuse for re-watching the entire show.

Yeah, that’s right. I fangirl Sorkin.

And because I admire his writing, I can share this brilliant compilation of “Sorkinisms” without hesitation. This is too funny not to share.

Any other Sorkin fans out there? What do you think of The Newsroom thus far? I know the critics are polarized, and I agree with much of what was written in The Daily Beast about the "womens issues" inherent in the show. But for the most part, I’m enjoying it. I don’t think I will ever love anything of his as much as Sports Night, though, and, to a lesser extent, The West Wing. But Sports Night had a way of getting to me each and every time. It was only a half-hour show, and when you deduct commercial time, it was what? Twenty-four minutes long? Twenty-five? And yet in those twenty-odd minutes, I experienced a range of emotions I hadn’t thought possible from a show with “sports” in the title. The writing (and excellent acting) had a way of reaching through the screen, wrapping around my chest, and squeezing so hard I thought my heart might just burst.

And it STILL does that to me, despite having watched the show so many times my DVDs are nearly worn through.

I didn’t experience that with the premier episode of The Newsroom last week, although I felt a twinge of it last night in the final, closing scene (when the camera panned to NY Harbor). I expect it will happen more as the show progresses. Some of the characters (Will McEvoy, for example) show a real promise for emotional complexity and depth, and I'm eager to watch them develop further. Others are archetypical Sorkin characters (NatalieMaggie, IsaacCharlie), but no less enjoyable for their familiarity.

Critics hate the speechifying, but I love that the script isn’t “dumbed down.” I also like how the characters use acronyms with which the general public might not be familiar (EP, RINO, SOT) but that are appropriate to their roles. For writers, the show is a study on how to craft pacy dialogue and flawed characters (some might argue TOO flawed). I love strong female protagonists, and I wish there was less ditziness from those in this show. But I'll keep watching. And hoping.

Here’s a trailer, in case you missed it:

 And because I talked about Sports Night, here’s a clip from one of my favorite episodes.

If you don’t already own Sports Night on DVD, buy it. NOW.