Video Didn't Kill the Radio Star - Poor Grammar Did!

I know I’m a freak when it comes to grammar. Split infinitives make me twitchy (I’m looking at you, Gene Roddenberry), and when my friends tell me they’re going to lay down I tell them I don’t want to hear about their sexual exploits with geese. It’s “lie down,” okay? Unless you did it yesterday, of course. No wonder people hate the English language. And me.

The funny thing is I’m not that good at grammar. I mean, I know a preposition is something you shouldn't end a sentence with. Er … or something with which you shouldn’t end a sentence. That’s better. Clearly, I’m no Grammar Girl. I couldn’t diagram a sentence to save my life.

Why, then, does poor grammar in songs irritate me so much? Shh … if you listen closely, you can hear my sister screaming, “Because you’re an anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive FREAK!”

AM NOT!!!

See? I just typed a sentence without a subject to prove it. And I am not going to go back and fix it. Nope. I’m making a point here, dammit. What was it?

Oh, yeah. Incorrect grammar in songs.

I know all about creative license and blah, blah, blah. I’ve read beautiful prose that didn’t just thumb its nose at the rules of grammar but flung a great big sticky booger at them. Cormac McCarthy won a Pulitzer for The Road, yet the book is littered with run-on sentences and ignores the whole quotes-around-speech thing. The novel earns high praise—not despite its grammar, but rather because of it. McCarthy made a conscious decision—an artistic choice—to write outside of the box. But here’s the thing: you have to KNOW the rules before you can decide to break them. Otherwise, it’s just lazy writing.

I tend to doubt the scattered use of that/who in Rihanna’s “Only Girl in the World” was an artistic choice.

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that's in command
'Cause I'm the only one who understands
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only one

This one really drives me crazy. Whoever wrote it obviously knew to use “who” when referring to a person some of the time. So why the random “that’s?” Were they trying to avoid repetition? Doubtful.

Rihanna is hardly the only artist guilty of this. This summer’s ear worm of choice, Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know” has the offending error right in the title.

And Selena Gomez’s “Who Says” is teaching a whole generation of kids to abuse grammar with these lyrics:

Who says, who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurting?

Don’t misunderstand me, though. This song sends a super positive message to kids, and I’m not knocking it. I realize I’m probably the only one out here who lets improper grammar ruin a song.

Or am I?

What say you, my lovelies? Have you ever stopped liking a song because the wording drove you nuts?

I remember taking Pink’s “Just Like a Pill” off my iPod because I couldn’t bear the line “I can’t stay on your life support, there’s a shortage in the switch.” Um … I think you mean short. And yes, I know her name is written as P!nk, but that’s a rant for another day.

I look forward to learning what songs annoy you. Come on—ruin a few more for me!

I'll leave you with this one. If the content doesn't make you cry, the grammar will.